Relationships are living systems of energy that deeply impact our minds, bodies, spirits and our sense of meaning. They are really important, and sometimes they are really difficult. It helps to have help.

If you do relationship work with me, I will help you understand your relationships as living things and co-creations, that have both a pulse and an arc of development. I will offer specific techniques and insights to help your relationships become more coherent and vital.

My work may involve understanding each person’s personal history, working with people in the relationship both individually and together, describing the energetic patterns that I see playing out, giving insight and suggesting practices that allow you to shift your energy with each other in positive ways.

Relationship work is not only for times of distress. It is useful even as relationships are developing (or before), even through a breakup, a death or after a death. Tending to these precious connections and supporting their changes is important for health on all levels. It is something like learning to be a gardener of the heart.

These are some of the relationships processes I help with: 

Support for forming a long-term partnership

Many people long for a long term relationship, yet have difficulty attracting and forming one that is lasting. I work to help clients understand that relationships are living creations with both developmental needs and a developmental process. We recognize that forming a lasting relationship is not only a matter of attracting or finding the right “other”, but also respecting the process by which a long-term relationships is formed. For example, this could include doing personal work prior to finding someone for a long term commitment. After meeting, it could include learning to stay curious, slowing down, not overwhelming a new connection with agendas, spending time in the early stages to deepen friendship, forming good contracts with each other, respecting right pacing of intimacy and finding a community context that supports the relationship itself.

Relationship Transition and Restructuring

After a relationship develops, it can be challenged by any number of inner and outer events. It requires learning to be flexible and adapative. Sometimes it needs support. Transitions such as births, job changes, family crisis, illness, death, etc can pose large challenges which require the relationship to rebalance and grow. This is stressful. Insight and support for meeting challenges with heart can help relationships grow through difficulty. It can allow people to recommit to joint goals or end roles with each other without trauma.

From time to time the structure of relationships and the contracts between partners changes or needs to change from the inside of the relationship. This usually is true when people need to differentiate in some new way, though it does not mean a lack of love. I offer support for the challenging work of changing or clarifying roles with each other and seeing the higher purpose in relationship. Recognizing this allows roles with each other to change while keeping love intact. Not easy, but possible.

Relationship Closure

Relationships do not in reality ever completely end. However we often talk about them ending when we no longer can be in relationship to a person in the same way as we once were. The ways that relationships change and come to rest are as important as how they start.

Often people choose a path of traumatic closing because they are simply not aware that an ending is happening, or how to have a good one. You may not know that closings can be just as full of love and expansion as any other moment of life. When there is not a traumatic or abusive aspect to a relationship ending it can be helped through a closure process. Acknowledgement of gifts, thanks, expressions of love and forgiveness are aspects of right ending that can, ideally, be supported. When relationships have been abusive or have ended traumatically I can also work with you on healing resolution.

Transitions through death are discussed on the Deathwork, Mortality and Griefwork page.

Learn more about my background and experience here.